Where Do I Begin?

Where did I begin?
(Me at 198 in January 2010)

I am on my 6th month of blogging now, and I started in a very doubtful place back in January.  My weight was bordering on 200 pounds and I felt as though I would soon have a heart attack.  I felt diabetic although I refused to go to the doctor for confirmation.  All the signs were there, my heart was not beating the way it use to, my breath was shorter, it was difficult to climb stairs.  My body was constantly reminding me of my weight by the numerous visits to the bathroom, the spots I saw in front of my eyes and the sure exhaustion I felt daily.  I lived on my caffeine boost to keep me going.  It was then I contemplated my future and where it was headed. I knew I had to change but what was going to make it different this time?  I have failed so many times with my diets that I really felt deep inside this would be no different.


I started by making myself accountable.  I publicly posted my first blog and announced it to strangers everywhere.  I would be honest to the world but kept it hidden from my family and friends.  I really had no idea that I could be successful this time, I felt as though I was just setting myself up for failure once again.  (I did later open up my blog to everyone)


I have read so much information on the word diet and realized the first thing I MUST do is remove it from my life.  They never worked for me in the past, it was doubtful they would ever work for me. Besides diets end, and when they do the weight creeps right back on.   My daughter, Michelle is a Nutritionist and has lived with me for the past few years.  I received so much information from her that I was educated on the many foods that I loved, and realized they did NOT love me back.  I would watch Michelle eat whole foods with joy.  I just wasn't sharing the same experience.  I had to retrain myself.  Yes mom gave me a cookie when I was sad, but it was time to realize those comfort foods in the past were killing me today.  I am no longer a young girl, but a woman facing my final half century.


The first step was making "small goals" for myself.  Not the goal that I would be 60 pounds smaller by summer, that would be unrealistic and I would be setting myself up for failure with such a long wait.  Instead I looked ahead a few months.  For me, I would be going to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame Inductions Ceremony in March and I really wanted to fit in a dress I wore to the Emmy Awards a few years earlier.  I weighed 182 back then so I decided my goal was to weigh 182 by March 15, 2010.  For my small frame 182 was a far cry from where I should be for a healthy weight, but I could always carry that weight well when hidden under clothes.




So I now had my first realistic goal, or so I thought.  I purchased a calorie counter, that shows how many calories I burn a day.  And when I registered it online and told it my goal I was informed my goal was not realistic.  It was too much weight too fast.  I followed a 1200 calorie diet and did my best to exercise so that my calorie in and calorie out ratio were in sync.  If you can wear a calorie register and count your calories you will know if you are going to weigh more or less on a weigh in day.  It really is as simple as math.

I weighed 184 for the Rock n Roll Inductions, which was so close to goal that I was thrilled.  I didn't end up wearing the Emmy dress.  


The 1200 calories I had been eating were "whole foods".  What this means is, I stopped eating things that came out of a box or bag, that were not "whole" as the first ingredient.  I knew that processed foods were now my enemy and not the friend I had made them out to be so many times before.  (I am a stress eater)

Once my goal day was over it was time for a new goal.  I wanted to weigh in the 170's by April 4th, 2010.  On April 4th, I would be starting a scary yet exciting experience.  The brakes were on when I received this gift from my husband at Christmas.  I never thought I would be able to take on the challenge, but I really wanted change.  So on April 4, I arrived in Utah, at The Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge.  Although I managed to reach my goal of 179 when I left for Fitness Ridge, the scale there late in the day with clothes on said I weighed in at 182.  Going to Fitness Ridge for me was to get moving, get my exercise on!  I had the education already from my daughter, but I really wasn't working out as much as I like.  I did exercise on my treadmill and elliptical at home, but Fitness Ridge took me so much further.  I climbed mountains every day and found out I could exercise for 7 hours a day on 1200 calories.  I left Fitness Ridge at 170 pounds.  My goal was to be in the 160's.  I was a little disappointed till I went home and got on the scale the next day weighing in at 167.

In May, I found myself taking hikes and walks as much as possible, I wanted to keep my energy where Fitness Ridge had put it.  I was excited to swim in my pool as I learned how to make it an exercise tool.  I created a new goal for myself, this was to weigh 152 by the end of July.  I lost another few pounds once I got back from Fitness Ridge, but it was slowing down.


I heard about a study being done with Shape Magazine and Cynthia Sass, MPH, MA, RD, CSSD, Registered Dietitian, Board Certified as a Specialist in Sports Dietetics, New York Times best selling author, Contributing Editor & Weight Loss Coach Columnist, SHAPE Magazine, Contributing Editor, Athletes Quarterly Magazine, Contributor & 'Food Coach' ABC News.  I wanted it to be my next goal motivator.  I contacted her and let her know I was interested and was lucky enough to be chosen to take part in her study.  Her book and the magazine article are due out by Winter.  Cynthia has been giving me one on one information that has taken me to a new level of good health.  She has introduced me to a way to eat the whole foods that is delicious and allows for an amazing variety.  I am perfectly portioned with my meals and feel in amazing health.  When I reached the 150's doing her study I was estatic.  I haven't seen that number in almost 10 years.  I have now realized I will reach my goal of 135, which I haven't been in my adult life.  

My study ends this week, but my journey will continue.  I will set myself another goal.  My challenge for August is already set, a new number will be my goal along with stepping up my strength training and exercise.  

My long term goal is not a number, but a feeling.  I will know when I reach it. Part of reaching that goal is knowing that for the first time, this will never end.  I have turned my eating into a lifestyle.  When you do that, you will succeed.  I don't pay attention to the numbers on the scale as much because I have discovered that with changing your eating habits, the weight falls off.  

Lastly, my lifestyle is discovering whole foods, and how to make them amazing.  It is not ignoring or forgetting some of my favorite foods from the past.  I will not push away that peice of cake with my favorite buttercream frosting, nor will I say goodbye forever to those delicious salty chips I always loved.  You just have to live by a new rule with change.  One I learned at Fitness Ridge and it will forever be apart of my life.  90/10....you have to give yourself a percentage of indulging in your desires.  It keeps you grounded for the 90%.  If you try and ignore everything you loved all the time, the day is going to come when you give in and binge out of control.  If you give in to your 10% you will never feel deprived, and you will do your mind and body good.  

So going back to where I began, my doubts were many.  I was certain to fail.  Only this time I took the education of good eating and put it to work in my life.  I moved more, I ate better and I started to believe in myself.  And I never let myself forget what would happen if I gave up on my challenge.  I asked myself, am I a happy fat Cat or do I want to take this journey and find my true happiness?  If you want to give up, ask yourself are you really happy with how you look and feel?  Another thought I kept close to me, if I eat myself into the hospital with disease, it will be my own fault.  

We can all make positive change in our lives, it takes a willingness and a passion.